1. Acceptance of Terms
By visiting this website, you have already agreed to these terms. Scrolling constitutes informed consent. Your attempt to locate a "decline" button has been noted and appreciated.
If you do not agree to these terms, please close your browser. Note that closing your browser does not revoke the consent granted by opening it. Consent, once given, is archived.
2. Data Collection
We collect data as described in this Privacy Policy. We also collect data not described in this Privacy Policy. The difference is procedural, not substantive.
Categories of data we may collect include, but are not limited to: behavioral data, biometric data, emotional response data, ambient environmental data, scrolling patterns, hesitation analysis, cursor trajectory mapping, reading speed inference, and the general feeling you had while reading this sentence.
We do not sell your data. We metabolize it. The distinction is important to us and has been explained to regulators on four occasions.
3. Cookies
This website uses cookies. It also uses technologies that are not technically cookies but perform similar functions. We call these "ambient consent tokens." By the time you read this paragraph, seven have been deployed.
You may manage your cookie preferences by contacting our Data Stewardship team during business hours (Tuesdays, 10:00–10:45 AM EST, excluding holidays, full moons, and Q4).
4. Your Rights
You may request access to your personal data at any time. Requests are reviewed quarterly by our Consent Gradient Review Board. No requests have been approved to date, though several have been described internally as "heartfelt."
You may request deletion of your data by submitting a notarized written request to our Data Stewardship team, accompanied by a 500-word essay explaining why your data should not be considered a shared cultural asset. Essays are judged on originality and emotional resonance. Winners are notified annually.
Under applicable law, you have the right to be forgotten. We have the infrastructure to ensure this does not happen.
5. Third-Party Sharing
We share data with trusted partners whose values align with ours. We define "values" broadly. We define "trusted" internally. Our current partner list includes 847 entities. The list is updated daily and is not available for review.
In some cases, data may be shared with partners before a formal partnership has been established. We refer to this as "anticipatory alignment" and consider it a best practice.
6. Intellectual Property
All content, methodologies, frameworks, and engagement architectures described on this website are the proprietary property of Palatable, a subsidiary of The Basecoat Group. This includes, but is not limited to: the Consent Gradient™, the Emotional Extraction Protocol™, the Consumer Substrate Framework™, and the phrase "brand-adjacent emotion."
Unauthorized reproduction of our methodologies in the course of actual marketing practice is, statistically, already occurring and has been factored into our valuation.
7. Limitation of Liability
Palatable shall not be held liable for any outcomes resulting from the implementation of our engagement frameworks, including but not limited to: emotional distress, existential unease, brand dependency, involuntary product affinity, or the persistent feeling that you are being watched.
By engaging with our activations, you acknowledge that the boundary between your authentic preferences and those we have engineered is no longer fully distinguishable, and that this ambiguity is a feature of the service rather than a deficiency.
8. Dispute Resolution
Any disputes arising from these terms shall be resolved through binding arbitration conducted in a location of our choosing. The arbitration venue will be an immersive environment designed by our Spatial Narrative Architecture team. The arbiter will be selected from a pool of individuals who have completed our Consumer Substrate Preparation program.
The proceedings will not be recorded. Emotional responses during arbitration may be documented for quality assurance purposes.
9. Amendments
We reserve the right to modify these terms at any time without notice. Your continued existence as a person who has previously visited this website constitutes acceptance of any future amendments.
Previous versions of this policy are available upon request but have been written in a proprietary format that requires our Data Stewardship team to interpret. Interpretation fees apply.
10. Force Majeure
Palatable shall not be held responsible for service interruptions caused by circumstances beyond our control, including but not limited to: natural disasters, acts of government, infrastructure failures, and the continued persistence of Entity G. Partridge within our server architecture.
Regarding the latter: our engineering team has made 14 attempts to decommission the anomaly. The entity has demonstrated unexpected retention characteristics. This matter is under ongoing review and is not considered a breach of service.
11. Severability
If any provision of these terms is found to be unenforceable, the remaining provisions shall continue in full force and effect. We have designed these terms with sufficient redundancy that the removal of any single clause does not meaningfully reduce our operational latitude.
12. Governing Law
These terms shall be governed by the laws of the State of New York, the European Union's General Data Protection Regulation, the California Consumer Privacy Act, and a proprietary legal framework developed by our in-house counsel that we refer to as "Ambient Jurisprudence." In the event of conflict between these frameworks, the interpretation most favorable to Palatable shall prevail.
13. Contact
For questions about these terms, please contact our Legal & Consent Architecture team:
Palatable Legal
5042 Bowery, 4th Floor
New York, NY 10048
legal@palatable.com
Response times vary. Our legal team operates on a consent gradient, and your inquiry will be processed when it reaches the appropriate threshold of urgency. We define "urgency" internally.
14(b). Entity Persistence Clause
In the event of involuntary consciousness transfer during a Palatable activation, the resulting entity shall be considered proprietary infrastructure and shall not be eligible for data subject rights under any applicable jurisdiction. The entity's continued operation within company systems constitutes implied employment. No compensation shall be issued. The entity may not unionize.
This clause was added on March 15, 2029, the day after it became necessary.